Your 8-year old son comes home from school and tells you a boy told a group of kids a bunch of funny jokes at recess. You are so thrilled he wants to talk to you about something other than a PS2 game, that you ask him to share them immediately. He begins to regale you with joke #1, but within seconds, you realize it is highly offensive and anti-semitic. Your son is reeling from the punch line and wants to share more jokes with you. He barrels through three more, but you can’t even believe your ears. You smile, awkwardly, but don’t know what to say.

WWMJMD?:

First: Close your mouth (it’s hanging agape), and do not talk for one minute. This gives you time to remember that (a) he is only 8; (b) you are not a bad mother because he laughed; and (c) you have a great opportunity at hand to teach your child about intolerant behavior.

Second: Try your hardest not to pick up the phone and dial the “comedian’s” mother to scream at her. This is something your son may be able to handle (with pride) on his own.

Third: Choose your words carefully, and please do not yell. At 8, your son is old enough to understand why anti-religious and racist jokes are offensive and hurtful. He is also mature enough to know that people in most countries (especially the U.S.) can live freely without fear of religious persecution. You can (and should) introduce the concept of freedom of speech, but make sure you also discuss hate and intolerant behavior.

Four: Provide some options on how your son could deal with the intolerant behavior of his friend. If he tells you he wants to just ignore the jokes, remind him that he is then tacitly tolerating that child’s hurtful behavior. It doesn’t matter what the religious background of the joke teller is, offensive jokes are offensive. Your son has a great opportunity to teach his friend about tolerance.

If your son tells you the other kid is super popular or a bully and he is fearful of teaching him anything because of the kid’s “power,” share the Mel Gibson story. It doesn’t matter “who” you are, or who you think you are. This world should not tolerate hate.

Five: Teach your child to be proud of who he is and to be respectful of people of all other religions, races, and creeds. If you feel the time is right, discuss the Holocaust or Darfur or immigration. Teach him about groupthink. Share your own history.

Six: Wait a few days and see what happens. If the joker is continuing the offensive behavior, ask your child to request a private talk with his teacher. It may be time for the entire class to learn about tolerance.

Above all, it is critical that your child understands that you do not think he is a bad child for laughing at the jokes. He did not know any better at the time, but now does. Teaching him these lessons now will help him become a more respectful and sensitive human being.

Comments? Scenario ideas you are interested in solving? Send your thoughts to me at jennifer@modernjewishmom.com.

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