Shabbat: it’s not about making roast chicken
by ELLEN SCHUR BROWN, Editor, Family Section
February 16, 2007

"The Modern Jewish Mom's Guide to Shabbat," by Meredith L. Jacobs, Harper Collins. New York. 2007. 256 pp. $16.95


Author and columnist Meredith Jacobs, 39, has discovered the true secret to harmonious family life, a loving marriage, obedient children, and a nice clean house.

It’s actually a tradition that’s 5,767 years old. It’s a little holiday we call “Shabbat.”

Is she over-promising a bit?

“I feel that way about Shabbat,” she says. “It’s almost hard to believe, but it’s so easy to fall into that cycle where everyone has dinner at different times and everyone is running in different directions. This is that opportunity to get the family to sit down together.”

At last, a guide for today’s hectic lifestyle, The Modern Jewish Mom’s Guide to Shabbat, in bookstores Feb. 20. Jacobs is not a rabbi or a scholar. She doesn’t want you to become Orthodox or even religious. In fact, she barely mentions synagogue or religious services in her guide to connecting families through a Friday night meal. This book is a true beginner’s guide, and with its jaunty conversational style, it stands in stark contrast to other books preaching religious observances.

She’s heard all the excuses for not having Shabbat dinner and has an answer for every one. As she explains, it is dead-on simple to start this lovely tradition in your home.

“Have a Shabbat group with other families. Then you only have to do it once a month,” Jacobs explains in a phone interview from her home in Rockville, Md. “Tell your kids to invite a friend and let them braid the challah. Serve takeout pizza. It’s not about making a chicken. It’s about making family time a priority.”

Orthodox families might be offended by Jacobs’s take on obeying “the spirit rather than the letter” of Jewish law. For example, she explains the “kosher” way to light Shabbat candles 18 minutes before sundown (the precise time is always listed in the CJN on page 3). She then explains why she chooses to light the candles when everyone is together and ready to sit down for dinner (whether it’s after sundown or not).

This book will really speak to mothers who are sending their children to Jewish preschool. The children come home singing about Shabbat. Jacobs found many modern moms didn’t know how to channel that enthusiasm at home, so she created a series of workshops for her synagogue with inspirational ideas about how to start.

Just as important, she emphasizes how to relax and de-stress with a nice quiet family dinner.

“Sometimes I feel so swamped, I think I can’t make dinner, but I’m always so glad I did,” she says, with the same excitable, conversational style she uses in her writing. “It’s like exercising; when I do it, I feel so great.

“Magazines are always telling you to schedule time together (with your spouse), like a date night, where you can connect,” she says. “Those rabbis from long ago were very smart about things that help strengthen the family.”

Jacobs hosts a website, modernjewishmom.com, where Jewish women can connect, ask questions about anything from conversion to Jewish observances, and share their family traditions. Watching these virtual friends and support networks develop “has beenan unbelievable experience,” she says.

Jacobs is already working on her next book, The Modern Jewish Mom’s Guide to the Holidays.

 

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