I remember one time in college, I was talking to my roommate Robin and I said to her, "I know this is going to sound weird, but you seem so Jewish to me." She laughed and said it wasn't so weird, that her parents were born and raised Jewish, but converted to Christianity. She and her brothers and sisters were raised Christian, but by parents who were very stereotypically Jewish (except they were affiliated with a church and not a synagogue). I asked why they converted and it was some crazy story about them thinking it would be better for business (bizarre, considering they were in the Florida real estate biz) and thinking it would protect them if there were another Holocaust (again, the thinking is very off here). I guess my point is, there was a time I could sense who was Jewish. Jewdar, I could call it. But, it's not so finely tuned anymore.
Suddenly, I have very tall, skinny, (naturally) blond friends I would swear were shiksa goddesses, who I have learned were born and raised Orthodox. I have friends who are very involved with their synagogues and have Shabbat every week and are Jews-by-choice.
I sat in a seminar recently and the speaker asked the all-Jewish audience to raise their hands if their family included a non-Jew or a converted Jew. Every hand went up--and the audience represented Reform, Conservative and Orthodox Jews.
I've heard the statistics about interfaith marriages, but what intrigues me is how many of the ones I know have chosen to raise their children in the Jewish faith. What is it about Judaism that causes this to be so? Is it simply that Christianity is founded in Jewish teachings (after all, our Torah is their Old Testament) so it is easier to stop believing in a part of your belief system as opposed to suddenly believing in or accepting something that is diametrically opposed to everything you were taught to believe growing up (by this, of course, I mean belief that a messiah has already come.)
I am often asked to include articles for interfaith families--to provide information that will help moms navigate this delicate course of creating a home that is very different from the one in which they grew up. I can only imagine how difficult this must be. So much of what I do is because of what my mother and grandmother did. What if I didn't have that to fall back on? What's it like to be the first Jewish member of your family?
I admire every woman who is doing this. I believe in Judaism because it has always been who and what I am. I'd like to think that if I had to choose, this is what I would choose because it makes sense to me. But, it must be empowering to know that you chose what you believe in--not simply because of the happenstance of birth, but because you studied and thought and actively chose.
So, I'm writing this article to continue a dialogue--if you are part of an interfaith family, I'm inviting you to share your experiences and also to please let me know how I can help--either explaining traditions or sharing my memories growing up Jewish.
At the same time, I'd like to recommend two wonderful resources (I'm certain there are many, but here are two I respect). One is www.interfaithfamily.com and the other is a blog, by a woman going through the conversion process www.shalom-ruth.blogspot.com.
At the same time, I have friends, who have set such an example of faith and tradition, that their husbands have chosen to convert to Judaism. These stories are equally inspiring and I invite you to share your journey and offer advice.
When my husband and I told my parents we wanted to be married, my mother said, "Marriage is the hardest job you will ever have, but it's the best job you will ever have." Like all of her advice, this has proven to be true. I am fortunate to share my religion with my husband and, although it's one thing to nudge him to become active in the shul's Brotherhood, it would be quite another thing to deal with the tree/no tree dilemma! To my dear friends building interfaith families, I wish you strength and patience and peace.
B'shalom,
Meredith
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