I'll never forget the moment. 

I was holding my infant daughter, my first born.  She was fussy.  I playfully raised her over my head, opened my mouth wide to say "Wassa matter Baby?" and, with that, she spit up. 

Right into my mouth.

I immediately picked up the phone, called me mother and said, "I'm sorry.  I get it now."

And, of course, I didn't truly yet "get" what it meant to be a mother.  The sacrifices we make.  The way we put our children before ourselves.  That rather that we are more relieved that our child feels better than we are disgusted by the fact that she feels better because she just spit up all over us.

And, I'm certain my mother would tell me that even with my vast experience from my nine years of being a mother, I still don't fully "get it."  I know there's still plenty more to come.

But this article is for those of you who are mothers-to-be.  First of all, mazel tov.  You are in for an incredible journey.  You are about to experience a love like you absolutely cannot imagine, but will understand when you hold your child.  But, I want to pass on the traditions that my mother taught me.  These are not Jewish law.  These are traditions, probably based on superstitions, that have been handed down from mother to daughter, woman to woman, for generations.

First, we don't tell anyone we're pregnant until after the first trimester.  Most likely, this is not just a Jewish thing.  The reality is, things can still happen in the first three months and it's safer to share your news with the world until you hear the baby's heartbeat.  My ob-gyn (also a Jewish mom) gave me this advice, "Don't tell anyone you wouldn't want to tell if something happens."  Good advice.  We stuck to just telling our parents.

Second, we don't have baby showers.  Nothing comes into the house until after the baby is born.  This isn't hard to manage.   Most baby furniture stores will store your furniture.  Once the baby is born, call the store (actually, have someone else call the store--you'll have enough to do), and the store will deliver the furniture to your home before you leave the hospital.  If you are nervous, you can arrange to borrow (or buy) a bassinet and keep it at a friend or relative's house, so you will know you are guaranteed to have someplace for the baby to sleep.  Diapers and wipes can be easily picked up at the grocery store.  And, my parents kept the layette at their home until they got the call that their grandchild was on the way.  My exception to the furniture rule was the glider.  A friend had told me that in her last weeks of pregnancy, the glider was the only comfortable chair in the house.  In fact, she slept on it most nights.  So, we had the glider in the house, but my thinking was that this piece was more for me at the time, than for the baby.

What do you do about well-meaning friends or co-workers who want to throw a shower?  What if your husband's family is not Jewish and wants to have a shower?  What if you are not Jewish, and want a shower, but your Jewish mother-in-law is against it?

All good questions.

I have two solutions.  One--have a shower for you--not the baby.  Celebrate your pregnancy.  Get gifts that have to do with your needs as a pregnant woman--special pillows, cute clothes, lotions, gift certificates for massages or pedicures (personally, I couldn't reach my feet during my pregnancies, so pedicures were nice).  The list goes on.

Two--explain why you want to hold off.  The shower can come after the baby.  Then, your friends and relatives can ooh and ahh over your beautiful child, not just the cute little outfits.

Holding off on the shower makes sense.  Again, if something unthinkable were to happen, do you really want a houseful of baby stuff around you?  While many of these traditions are based in superstition, many are also just practical.

Third, we name our children after relatives who have passed away.  A twist on this is relatives who have led good lives and long lives.  When thinking of names, I also wanted relatives I admired, so that one day I would be proud to one day tell my children the stories of the people whose names they carry.

The superstitious reason for this is so the Angel of Death won't confuse the child with the adult and take the child instead of the adult whose name they carry.  The practical reason?  It's nice to give your child a link to their heritage.  I am named after my maternal grandfather, who died the day before I was born.  He was truly loved by his family and friends, and my birth and the fact that I carry his name, brought joy to my family in their time of tremendous sorrow.  I feel honored to have this connection.

And, the fourth tip and final tip I will share is that my mother tied a red ribbon to the bottom of the crib.  OK, I thought this was weird also.  I think it's meant to keep the evil eye away (or something like that).  Think of those red kabbalah string bracelets Madonna and Demi wear--it's like that.  But, I thought, "who am I to mess with tradition?"  So, not only did the string remain on the crib, when my children moved on from their cribs, their strings transfered to the bottoms of their big girl and boy beds.  And remain there to this day.

So, Jewish moms-to-be, I wish you an easy delivery and I wish you much love.  And, if you have any questions, please email me at meredith@modernjewishmom.com and I'd be happy to answer you privately, or post your question on the Moms Share page so you can gather wisdom from Jewish moms from around the world.

Happy Mother's Day!

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