I’m the one who writes about being a good, Jewish mommy.  I expound on the joys of roasting a chicken, the fun of baking challah, the rewards of packing up the kitchen for Passover.  My columns are feel-good, filled with references to a wonderful, healthy childhood and family.

 

But I can’t write a feel good column this month.

 

I was fortunate enough to attend the 9th annual Jewish Women International (JWI) “Women to Watch” luncheon this year.  I went initially to thank the rabbi who had read the draft of my book (in addition to being a rabbi, she’s also a “modern Jewish mom”).  She was being recognized as the local Jewish woman to watch.  I thought it would be fun.  You know, the kids leave for school and I get to put on a pretty suit and go downtown for a fancy lunch. 

 

But I was blown away by what I learned.  The women who were honored were amazing in what they have contributed to the Jewish community and also simply in who they are as individuals.  Among the honorees were Dr. Perri Klass, a pediatrician and author, who works to promote literacy as an integral part of pediatric care; Marcella Kanfer Rolnick, a young woman who could have very easily spent her career heading up her family’s business (they created PURELL), but instead dedicated time to help create Jewish Family & Life Media; and Susan Manheimer, Chief of Police for the city of San Mateo, who believes that Jewish women make great police because we’re strong, we quickly assess a situation and take charge, and, most importantly, she joked, we love to be in other people’s business (I guess her police academy’s recruiting brochure reads “Wanted—a Few Good Yentas”).

 

The celebration of these strong Jewish women, albeit humbling, was not what left the feelings in me that compel me to write this column.  The luncheon, after all, was a fundraiser.  But it is the reason JWI even exists that drives me.  They work to ensure that women and girls, here and in Israel, are safe, in their homes and in their relationships.

 

Domestic abuse is not talked about in our community.  Our sons are menches.  Who would ever believe a nice, Jewish boy would hurt his wife or girlfriend?  But it happens.  To quote the statistics provided by JWI, nearly 5.3 million acts of intimate partner violence occur each year among U.S. women ages 18 and older.  Girls and women between the ages of 16 and 24 are the most vulnerable to domestic abuse. 

 

Understand these statistics do not just refer to Jewish women.  But perhaps domestic abuse is more challenging in the Jewish community because of the myth that we are somehow immune from abuse.  It couldn’t happen to Jewish women.  It wouldn’t be done by Jewish men.

 

But it does.  Just like in any community.

What I admire about JWI is their encompassing approach to addressing the issue.  They not only raise money to help educate the public and members of the clergy to look for signs that someone is being abused and learn what to do to help her, but they also raise money to create shelters and then they build libraries within those shelters for the children of the victims.  JWI has created curriculum and programs to help women gain control of their financial situation so that none of us is trapped in a dangerous situation because of economics.  And finally, and the one that I most appreciate as a mother of a daughter and, just as importantly, a son, is the curriculum they developed for synagogues and youth groups to give our young girls an understanding of what it really means to have a healthy relationship—what they should expect and what they should demand.

 

Perhaps this is what is meant when it falls on the mother to create Shalom Bayit--that a peaceful home is not just a home that smells like fresh challah, but true Shalom Bayit can only be created in a home with a peaceful, loving, respectful relationship.  Even more so, as parents we must ensure that our children grow to be adults who are strong in who they are and value themselves enough to both treat others and insist on being treated with respect and love and dignity.

 

And so we pray:

 

“May our homes be a harbor of safety.  May our relationships be anchored in dignity and strength. 

Envelop us in a canopy of loving kindness.  May today’s sorrow be replaced by tomorrow’s joy. 

Hear us.  Believe us.  Do not deny us.”

(Sh’ma Kolenu, a prayer on behalf of victims and survivors of domestic abuse. 

Copyright by Jewish Women International 2004.)

 

To learn more about JWI, visit their website - Jewishwomen.org

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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