You're enjoying a pleasant lunch with friends and that dreaded question pops up. What is the theme for your Bar/Bat Mitzvah? So as not to look like you haven't done your homework, you respond, "Well, probably soccer, my child loves soccer, but we haven't made the final decision yet." The conversation continues with vivid descriptions of imported table linens, custom-made chocolates, 4-foot centerpieces, name boards, custom dance floors...all designed around their children's favorite hobbies. The pressure is on...do you succumb to keeping up with the Cohens, or should you focus more on that key word...mitzvah? With a little ingenuity, your child's Bar or Bat Mitzvah can be remembered for more than the gifts and glitz of the weekend, with or without a theme.
There are many avenues to follow when deciding to plan a Bar/Bat Mitzvah weekend. If your heart (and budget) is set on a glamorous affair, then, by all means, plan away. But, keep in mind that while the celebration is a big deal, your child is at an impressionable age. With your guidance, this can be the perfect time to focus on an awareness of values, morals, ethics and tzedekah (charitable giving). Ask your child what he or she has learned about helping others in their B'nai Mitzvah training. Jewish day schools and religious schools usually work on a group mitzvah project or encourage personal projects during B'nai Mitzvah training.
First, figure out a reasonable project that your child can handle (you know your kid best!) Long-term projects can be planned prior to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah so your child can grasp the concept of outreach and community service. Short-term projects can be as simple as asking guests to bring children's books to be placed in baskets or book bags as centerpieces on the tables, later to be donated to a shelter or school in-need (Theme? Dr. Seuss). If your child loves animals, plan the party around an animal theme and ask for supplies and donations for a local shelter, animal hospital or wildlife refuge. Centerpieces can be made of stuffed animals to be donated to a shelter or hospital (Theme? The Rainforest). Sports moms...this one's right up your alley! Ask your guests to bring new or slightly used sports equipment to be donated to a camp for underprivileged children. Decorations can be made of sport hats and balls and donated as well (Theme? How about a Jewish twist...Maccabi Games!) Contact a children's hospital as there are many ways you can help children and their families. Find out what the facility needs (they provide guidelines) and design centerpiece baskets around small, age appropriate items that can be distributed to the families during a child's treatment. Wrap the baskets in cellophane with ribbons, attach balloons, and the money you would have spent on rented centerpieces is instead going toward a very worthwhile cause (Theme? It's a Small World). There are many organizations that could benefit from your donations and gifts. Tip...do your research first by contacting the organizations...their needs may be very specific. One of the greatest gifts of all is the lesson of tzedekah...your child will see first hand that he or she has made a difference in the lives of children who are less fortunate. And this is a great Mitzvah!
If your friends continue to ask about your theme, simply state that your theme is "Judaism"...what a concept! Your "theme" is what is important to your child and your family, and that is the theme that your guests will remember.
The theme for next month's column? More about Mitzvahs!
Sheri Freedman
Two's Company, North Potomac, MD
301-279-0928
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