The Gift

 

At a recent Bat Mitzvah at my synagogue (I was not a guest, only a congregant), a member asked me what the going rate was for Bar and Bat Mitzvah gifts.  My first thought was, “This sounds like a CD….current rate of interest?”  I replied that different people give different types of gifts, some monetary and some material.  There are many different ways to honor a Mitzvah teen.  Just put on your thinking cap and get into creative mode, and you can be one of those gifted people who know how to select the perfect gift!

 

One of the most difficult decisions is how much to spend on the gift.  If the child is a family member, this is the time to be generous….this child is an important part of your life.  Whether the gift is money, an investment or a meaningful present, they will cherish it forever.

 

There is a theory about gift etiquette that revolves around giving a gift based on what the host spends on you as a guest.  You can go by this theory for a wedding, since the cost of feeding guests can range from $90 to $150 or more per person based on the extravagance of the affair.  But in the case of an elaborate Bar or Bat Mitzvah, you are not obligated to give a $300 gift per couple because you heard that the DJ is expensive and the event cost more than 2 college educations!  Your gift should be determined by what you are able and willing to give and a general sense of gift giving based on your peers.

 

Ten years ago with my first Mitzvah child, the going rate between good friends was about $100-$125, with a very generous gift at $150.  Three years ago with my second Mitzvah child, the rate increased to $125-$200.  The woman who approached me at services scoffed when I suggested $180 (ten times chai) and said that her group of friends was leaning toward $250.  My first thought was that I was glad that I did not live in a neighborhood where I felt pressured to keep up with the neighbors.  When our friends give gifts it is meaningful because they gave the gift, not because it is extravagant. 

 

And gifts from the teens for a Mitzvah teen?  A check is great, but be creative!  Here are some ideas:

 

• For the Boys - $75 and under – a rolling duffle bag, a good pair of binoculars, a dob kit (Swiss Army is popular), a leather valet/organizer for a dresser, watches or a wallet.  Gift certificates to specialty stores such as electronics, books or the mall are really appreciated.  Pen sets?  Only for the serious kid.  And, forget those pocket knives that were so cool in the 60s and 70s and went to summer camp…..today they are only viewed as weapons! There is always the Judaic gift of a tzedakah box or Kiddush cup, too.  Shofars are really special, but are more in the $120-$200 range.
• And the Girls – oy, where do we begin?  There are so many options from jewelry to Judaic boxes, watches, jewelry, cosmetic bags, purses, jewelry, luggage, personalized gifts, mall gift certificates, jewelry…..girls never seem to have enough jewelry.  But, if you can be a little more creative than a bracelet, earrings or a necklace, your gift might make a bigger impact. Try a cute laptop computer bag or backpack. Find out if she collects anything and add to it. Remember, if you buy a beautiful menorah, it will last a lifetime, but that trendy silver bracelet might sit in a box for years…..

 

Keep the gift within reason, make it meaningful and remember that just because you give an expensive gift does not guarantee equal treatment for your child.  B’nai Mitzvahs are about teaching the right values, so follow that trend and you’ll feel as good about giving the gift as the person who receives it!

 

Sheri Freedman
Two's Company, North Potomac, MD
301-279-0928

 

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